Monday, March 21, 2011 @ 11:49 PM 0 stares
hah... x perlu call pejabat! hahaha.. wokeh...orait...
orang lain semua nerves.. tapiiiii........what about me????
x rasa sgt... huhuhu.. does this mean something? something bad? something good?
i think its because i know what ever i'll get doesn't mean anything
its too late to do anything about it now.. all i can do is pray until the result comes out...
but..whatever the result is...
its the journey afterwords that's going to decide WHAT i am in life..
no.. its not the journey..
its ME.. all about me.. its up to me to create my own future starting form the moment the result comes out..
even if i score all A's but get lazy afterward.. i wont be the successful, beautiful. (boy-magnet). confident. lady that i've been day dreaming about..
even if i didn't do so well..it doesn't mean i cannot be that successful, beautiful. (boy-magnet). confident. lady that i've been day dreaming about..
and whatever the result is.. i'm sure god knows that i can handle it at my best in that situation
something like katy perry's firework song
maybe the reason why.. all the doors are closed.. so you could open one that leads you to the perfect role..
like a lighting bulb ..your heart will glow.. and you just gotta know.. you just gotta ignite.. the light.. and let it shineeee.. just ownnn.. the night ..like the fourth of july....
but still... i'm afraid...
i'm afraid for the sake of my parents..
i wish i could say sorry.. i wish i could change the result just for their sake..
i know i'm far from being the genius of the family.. but what can i do about it now.. i'm so sorry..
when people ask about which school i'm from.. people would looked suprised..
maybe because i dont look smart?
when people ask about my trial.. hearing upon the answer people would say
"you must've been playing around".. but honestly.. no..i did my best..
but somehow i know i could do better but something hold me back
but its not right for me to point fingers because ..outstanding students dont blame others for their failure..
so ..i'm not going to say who made me this way..i don't blame that person at all..
i should have more self control.. i should've know how to control my feeling and wake up and strive for my success..i did.. but it just wasnt enough.. not as far as i know...
here's a wall inside of me that i didn't break...i tried but i don't know how to........
the questions "what if" played in my mind
what if i scored 5A's during upsr?
what if i get into mrsm when i was in form 1?
what if i stayed at zainab 1 for my pmr?
what if i didn't go to mrsm?
what if i was thinner?
what if i'm a genius that can get anything within moments?
what if i didnt get 4A's during upsr?
what if i didnt get to zainab1?
what if i stayed at smkb?
what if i didnt get 8A's?
the answers are terrible..
if i scored 5A during upsr i might think i'm a genius and stopped trying
if i get into mrsm when i was in form 1... i wouldnt survive
if i stayed at zainab for my pmr...i'll be a trainwreck because they're pace was too fast for me
if i didnt go to mrsm... i wouldn't know how become as confident as i am today
if i was thinner... i wouldnt appriciate my pretty face :D
if i'm a genius.. surely i would be lazy
if i didnt get 4a's during upsr.. i wouldnt be obsessed with science as i am today
if i didnt get to zainab 1.. i wouldn't be the person i am today
if i stayed at smkb.....cannot imagine!
if i didnt get 8A.. my life would be ruined.. i'll think i'm useless and give up..
Ya Allah Ya Tuhan ku
whatever you have in store for me,
i'm sure its for the best and i wont regret it later!..
but please be good to my parents!
Labels: cuti spm, Fire Burning Spirit