There's this one thing that i've been feeling..
I started during the end of 2011
but i didn't really care
It was small.. minute.. 
too small to change my life
Or so i thought..
I ignored it..

Who'd knew
the feeling would kept on bugging me

In 2012,
it grew, it shrunk,
it bloomed, it wilted
It grew stronger after i started my degree

Now.. its 2013..
at times, the feeling decreased 
yet theres always  something to recharge it again
Making me wanting it even more..

Just when i feel like i'm on a roll
Something pushed be back to the ground
Reminding me that
I still have a long way to go
I still have a lot to learn

I'm scared
I'm scared that i'm not doing this
for the right reasons
With the right intentions
Because its a trend
Or is it because of someone

I'm scared that this is just a phase
And i'll end up rebelling in the future

I lack of knowledge..i know
I dont have the right mind set.. i'm aware 

I tried pushing it away
But it made me feel restless
I knew  i couldn't go back to who i was
But who i'm trying to be is tiring

But because i'm nina, i can

I changed from a fat girl who got rejected to a less fat girl (who still got rejected but feels better about herself)

I changed from a cry baby  to a baby that cries less

From a weak girl to one who can make  herself imunned to the inhumman world

From one who cant do presentation to one who can just make things up as she was presenting

From one who got scolded for talking too slow to one who got praised for her good voice projection

From a girl who complains about everyhing to a girl who sometimes doesn't see the point of complaining

I tried many different things that never crossed my mind that one day i would

Everything works out for me eventually
Either as a blessing or as a lesson

So nina!!you can!! 
Why are you being so weak?
You have that talent..
the talent to change!
Use it! Do it!
Why is it so hard??

You wonder why sometimes you feel as if people are against your latest change
But you know you can't stay as you were
At the same time..you feel you're not smart enough to make that change in youself..

Why does that matter ha nina??
From your past experience, you know thay theres only one thing  in your way of being the person that you wanted to be.
and what was that??..
It was YOU
Did everybody else mattered??..
No..they didn't

Why is it different this time??

Remember..
You are you're own competition
Your imagination is your benchmark
And remember that Allah is always with you even when everybody else isn't

He knows what you feel even if you don't blog it
He knows your efforts even if you don't tweet it
He knows your intention and you don't have to explain it

Enough with your petty excuses,
Just believe and go for it
Because you're nina

Labels: motivation