Thursday, September 15, 2016 @ 12:41 AM  0 stares
I feel like crying
the fact that I am posting again after several years..


How much I miss this feeling 
- in control of my life
even though it is only in a web page 
that is aging gracefully like a vintage diary of a lady
stored away in an attic
of an English-themed house

After two years..
Not much of me has changed..
Well.. at least I refuse to believe that I've changed

I still have the same spirit at times

Wanting to be better

Knowing I can do better

and very much Determined to do better


however ..now..

there are times that I feel ..
I am not as invincible as I was before

I feel like I'm not the best at writing 
- a skill that I once pride myself of having

I feel that it is hard for me to change
- a chameleon that I claim myself was

I feel that I am not as young and beautiful as I could be
- Vanity that I call my friend is no longer with me

I play on the safe side..
to protect myself

I stopped taking chances..
to not waste my time

I admit my weakness..
and stopped doing anything about it

I wish changing is easy to me as it was to me before
I wish that I am an improved version of me..
not this one..
not the me right now..

I do admit growing up is hard
and I'm doing it very slowly
I know what I'm supposed to do..

I just refuse to..


and once in a while..
I come back here
I read all the love letters I wrote..
all the love letters to myself to keep me motivated
all the love letters to keep for that special someone
all the love letters to keep me company when I am old and weary

and this blog full of love letters I keep
to either remind me to improve
or to remind me the changes I've gone through
My Journey To Be ME!

and one day
I shall read all these love letters
I shall cringe in despair of my writing
I shall also smile from reminiscing

until then..
I shall continue my blog of love letters like I did before
and open its' doors of wonders to someone who holds the key
the person whom I owe my stories
and a blog full of love letters
that I have been keeping to myself

all along it always have been private..
but not a secret...



Saturday, November 29, 2014 @ 2:23 AM  0 stares
When people start to question 
My choice of friends
I would answer
"You don't know them like I do"

When people start to question
My different groups of friends 
I would answer
"You don't know them like I do"

When people start to question
Why I stick around when I was mistreated by them
I would answer
"You don't know them like I do"

But when I start to question 
Why they do what they have done to me
There goes my answer
"You don't them like I do"
Because clearly I don't know them 
Like I thought I do



Tuesday, November 11, 2014 @ 12:57 AM  0 stares