:( 

i'm so sad...

am i that emotional?

in my defence 

 i cry when i keep something inside

even though its something small

it feels like i'm being poked by a stick

poke .. and poke... and poke

it fun.. kind of funny at first.. no biggie..i can get over it..

its normal.. i have to go through this...

just when i thought i can handle it

that small matter poked me again

and poke and poke and poke and poke and poke and poke and poke and poke and poke and poke and poke and poke and poke

until it bruises me .. to a point that i cannot take it any more

that's when i cry

but when i cry.. 

they say i'm crying over a small matter

they have no idea how long i've been keeping it inside

they have no idea how much i've been thinking about it

and they have no idea how much they've hurt me

i've changed a lot over the years

from a girl who liked telling stories.. now i can only say nothing but the truth..well almost
from a girl who had mouth like a laser now watching every word that she says
from a girl who  try to like what every one likes.. to a girl who likes what she likes and don't give a damn
from a girl who completely mute during class presentations to a girl that well, can actually present something
from "one best friend" kind of gal to "more than one friend" kind of gal...
from negative thinking to positive thinking person
from a know it all to a girl who can actually admit that she's wrong
and so much more i couldn't even remember myself

but being over emotional is not that easy to fix...
it is not as easy as my other problems
all my other problems.. especially the ones mentioned above can be easily fixed by mind setting and a pinch of self discipline



emotions?... it involves hormones
and environment
 and only god knows what else..
no matter how professional i am at mind setting
no matter how many psychological books i read
i've never came across a Sure-Fire plan to overcome "emotions"


can i change it?


 and one other thing
is my face the kind of face that people get angry just looking at it?
because that have happened a  few times now
(grammatical error??)
i don't think i've done anything wrong to piss off anyone
not on purpose at least

is it because of my pitiful character?
my face? my aura? or do you just hate my gut?
does it make you want to slap me in the face?
does it make you to raise your voice and scream out of anger?
i dont think that's something that i have control of...



what do i have to do to get in your good book?
i'm never in your way..
i'm being very nice to you
i'm trying my best all the time to please you
every minute,
every hour of the day,
every day of the week,
every week of the month and
every month of the year!
what else do you want?!

sometimes i just dont understand why people prefer to love "the other person"
who makes more mistake than i do
who doesn't even try to please you
and who's always in your way
is that what i have to do to get to you?
be annoying? is that it?

so that is all there is to it!
don't even wonder why i have emotional problems
its all because of you
trying my best to please you
which is ironically not perfect enough
and that's what's poking me like a useless button on facebook


conclusion : its hard to understand humans...
its even harder to understand myself
until i can find a cure to this illness of mine
i'm afraid you'll have to bear with it..